FULL OF IT!
on When I'm 64 (Sri Lanka), 02/Apr/2011 10:19, 34 days ago
    I informed my dear cousin Helene that I would be apologizing to her publicly in this next blog. She had shared with me a couple of weeks ago that she was waking in the night, worrying about various issues. I told her that I didn't wake up worrying, I don't worry about things I can't do anything about, I do think about how to deal with things I can change. So a week or so after this talk, of course you know..I was awake at 4am feeling sad and disappointed and at wits end about how the new Master (head nurse) who I couldn't wait to take over, is behaving and how wrong I was. Once again, how many times have I said this now, once again I discover that there is little truth in much of what we are sure of. Once again I was full of shit. This is human nature, no? I am terribly upset and sad, feeling again like maybe my time here was wasted. It has certainly been baby steps if any change has occurred and of course with each new person, it is like starting over again. I am always assured that there are those that have learned and do things better to ease the suffering of the patients but to look at where things are right now in our psychiatric department, one would not know. I can say the same for the USA though. Things seem to have taken a huge step backward in terms of human rights and in the world 14 year old girls are raped and then whipped to death for being raped..I guess I feel quite discouraged by it all and am worried about going home to living a comfortable life where I can choose not to see anything or do anything about it. What canI do about it anyway if it is so hard just to get little things done here in this little section of the universe.Don't get me wrong though, as I titled this FULL OF IT, don't think I am here slaving away and having no fun and working to the bone. I am pretty hedonistic and have now planned 5 days snorkeling in the Maldives and 4 days at a beach in the south of Sri Lanka where turtles come and lay their eggs..I am not a masochist just suffering away with the problems of the world weighing me down; I am giving myself as many perks as I can have while I am in this part of the world, namely South East Asia. I am enormously bothered by so much hate that's around though. I forgot to mention that when I was in Kochi, India, one of the highlights was to be a trip to Jewtown to see this tiny 10 person jewish community that still exists there and see the synagogue. Well, we went to Jewtown and on that day unfortunately the synagogue was closed so we couldn't go inside. I was highly disappointed and could have gone back that night. That afternoon meanwhile, I carefully reread one of the guidebooks it said that when this group of Jews arrived in India from wherever, there were already Jews living in Kochi. This group however would not mingle with that group because they were actual Indian (DARK SKINNED) Jews! I didn't go back. A few days ago I read that in Malaysia which is Sunni Muslim, they do not allow Shiite Muslims to practice their religion..this world is a joke, a joke of I know better, I am right, I am better then you.....    Here's the difference between me, a middle class woman from America, and a middle class woman from Sri Lanka: I mentioned in the last blog that $350 was stolen from me on my trip. I wasn't happy but I essentially wrote it off as a lesson. 2 days ago, a woman was admitted to our ward after taking an overdose because she owes $350 and doesn't know how she will ever pay it.(As an aside, yesterday this woman was all smiles because her brother gave her the money; I have mentioned before how high the suicide rate is her because people don't talk they just take poison instead!).    Yesterday I mailed 24KG (53 lbs.) worth of chotskes (stuff) home and it only cost me 10,075 lkr ($91). I thought that was pretty good. We shall see if it arrives..in 2 to 3 months. I have some books to recommend. I just finished a book and am longing for the characters, think about them a lot; the book is The Elegance of the Hedgehog. It is a little preachy at times but I really attached to the people. The other 2 books are mysteries, just came out here so I don't know if they are available there, but if you have an interest in really understanding what So. East Asia is like they capture it: Inspector Singh Investigates: by Shamini Flint (the first 2 in the series).    Oh, before I end..apparently I neglected to mention that I was ending my service here at 18 months which was my assignment (I thought I would extend to 2 years). My plan is to return to Boston and visit for a while, and then go to the west coast and visit for a while so that I am back in my apartment in November when my tenants leave. I am seriously thinking of flying to Seattle and then take my time traveling south by train. Sounds like a fun way to do it and get to see people..and then..we shall see!