Indian Wedding
on Jane in India (India), 11/Apr/2011 18:10, 34 days ago
Last month I got the chance to attend my first Indian wedding, something I've been wanting to do since I got here. Aunty (my landlady) invited me along to the wedding of one of her relatives. The ceremony started at about 11am on a Sunday in the Hotel Mayfair (near my office) and I went along with Aunty and Uncle, who brought me up to speed with the traditions as we waited for the bride& groom to arrive.Although this was a traditional Indian wedding in terms of the ceremony, it was fairly modern in terms of the situation, as the bride& groom now live in the US and had met in work, as opposed to an entirely arranged marriage. The groom and his family arrived first, after they had made a procession through the streets, with people throwing confetti and women making strange sounds that sounded like some tribal bird calling! The bride and groom and their families were seated in separate rooms alongside eachother. I went in to visit the bride, who was adorned with loads of jewellery, heavy make up and Mehndi (henna drawings) on her hands and feet. She was very welcoming and looked so beautiful.the bride& Aunty, my landladythe bride showing me her decorated feet!the groom waiting before the ceremonyThe ceremony was quite elaborate with the brahmin priest performing puja alternately with the groom, then the bride, tying threads around their arms, providing offerings and chanting and that kind of thing.. When the bride& groom were finally brought together, the sari/veil was lifted to reveal the bride's face (In the past, this might have been the first time the bride& groom saw eachother, although times have changed to some extent). There was more puja, chanting, the bride& groom had to do a few circles of the room, at the end the room was filled with the smoke of burning wood& coconuts, and I felt sorry for the bride who couldn't stop crying from the smoke (and maybe the emotions too!).the bride& groom during the ceremonyIt was really interesting to see the ceremony, so unique and different to weddings back home. What I am most curious about when it comes to Indian weddings is the background - is it arranged? how does it happen? Although times and attitudes are changing, arranged marriage is still the norm here. The Indian girls I know here, all well educated and open minded, are either already married through arranged marriage, or will be in the next few years. In some ways it's not so different to many Western marriages - at least where the family are very involved& have an opinion on who their son/daughter marries. But I guess it's the extent of that involvement where the difference is.Matching websites and agencies are big business in India these days - just like online dating in the West. And the couple, after being matched (either through a site, matching agency or their family) will meet each other regularly, see how they get on. When I heard this I thought, well its just the same as dating then? Except that all your family are monitoring your relationship (pressure?!) and breaking up might not really be an option - that could be a huge taboo, and so this is the major difference. This is where a lot of relationship training comes in - the qualities of acceptance, commitment and patience are extremely important, with the idea that you can learn to love someone. In the average family, there is no such thing as living together before marriage, and as I've heard from many married girls life is completely different before and after. After getting married, as a woman you leave your family and move in with the in-laws - yep the mother and father-in-law and however many brothers, sisters and uncles! You are expected to cook for the men - proper Indian dinner, every night, and depending on the family you might be expected to stay home and raise a family instead of going out to work.I met one girl in a rickshaw a while back, she seemed very young, no older than 20, and she told me she was married only a few months to a rich Brahmin. But she seemed so sad, and said "Do I look like I am married longer? It feels like 30 years! Don't get married!". I have also met girls who are happily married, some who seem more complacent or resigned than particularly happy, and some who are happily dating (eventually to be married, of course). So, like anywhere situations and relationships vary hugely. But I personally feel lucky to have been born into a society where at least I'm the one that chooses my situation, as far as that is possible.