Goodbyes........
on Lynn Sellwood (The Gambia), 09/Jun/2011 22:15, 34 days ago
I have got to an odd stage of my placement in The Gambia. Some volunteers that I have become friends with have left or they will be leaving during the next six weeks or so. I feel strangely bereft. It is odd how you make new friends under these circumstances and before you know there is this huge dependency on people you barely know, from all sorts of cultures and very different ages.I am missing three young men in their mid twenties who were extremely entertaining and very kind to me. Two, from Canada, are very bright would-be lawyers, who came to lecture in the Law School at the University of The Gambia. They are very interested in the workings of the world, food and being social. They included me in many of their outings and events and as a result I was never short of a dinner partner or interesting conversation. Another, a young teacher, the same age as my daughter, was equally considerate and knew about my love of sport, football, in particular. He was also happy to sit for a while in my house, allow himself to be“mothered” for half an hour while he finished off my Guardian crossword.Only five will remain.........Other volunteers are coming to the end of their placement; a young couple who have an abundance of physical and mental energy as well as being generous in every respect; an older man (my age!!) with a calm exterior , a love of cricket, food and conversation; one of the original Golden Girls, the one with the golden voice and sisterly nature (praise indeed, given how much I love my sisters); the young couple who have announced their wedding plans who have given me conversation about sport, Japan, Sikhism and good, trashy magazine gossip as well as being the next recipients of my Guardian Weekly and finally the most perfect gentleman, the IT wizard with a heart and football aficionado. I am going to miss them all because the truth is I came to rely on them as a vital part of my new social fabric.Of course there are some volunteers who are staying and they are equally as important to my well-being but the chemistry will change, the kilter will have to be re-adjusted and I will learn again how to create a worthwhile and fulfilling social life and create a support network of people who know how to support me while I learn how to support them. I love the way we can forge these friendships and provide meaningful support and encouragement to each other when things get tough. Those remaining will be essential bedrock; there are the remaining“golden girls” and we all love our day at the Fajara Club with a special Sunday roast and a swim; the up-country volunteers who sweep into town and demand decent food, beer and conversation and the other ex-pats and Gambian friends who make up my rich new life.I must admit to some trepidation for the future. I will miss the vital first two weeks of the new intake of volunteers because I will have returned to the UK for a holiday during August and September, so opportunities for new bonds will be lost and I won’t get to know them very quickly. This friendship lark is very complicated. We are thrown together at random, we share certain common values, for the most part, but actually our experiences are very different and yet we come to rely on each other very quickly. We don't know whether the friendshipwill survive over the long term.I now properly understand why cultures move towards each other when put in an overseas context. I have Gambian friends, many of whom I like very much but our life experiences are very different and our perspective on the world is different. I value the difference but I am also very comfortable with the UK people where I can communicate in“shorthand” and I don’t have to think before I speak and the ease of cultural references make you more relaxed.In addition, I have spent more time alone than I ever have before, especially in the evenings. So, I have had to get to know myself, too. I am easily bored but what has saved me is the internet, I love the radio; Radio 4 Extra, Radio 4 and recently Test Match Special have been life-savers. I lie on my bamboo couch and relax listening to John le Carre’s novels, all of Jane Austen’s, a few whodunit’s, The News Quiz and the Archers....bliss. But it serves as a reminder that our culture is so much part of our personality and when you are living in another country it is important that to the local people you are aware that for them, their culture is paramount. None of us has the monopoly of doing things the “right” way. I think our “ways” are occasionally hysterical...I have no idea what local Gambians make of us at times.As an update, I am working really hard at the moment. Work at SQAD is busy with lots of responsibilities including school visits, being part of the team helping VSO to formulate its new strategy for development work in The Gambia, going to the gym 3 times a week, and getting ready for the rainy season. The temperature is going up and the humidity is increasing......not very comfortable.I am still looking for donations of money and books for the school, too. Please contact me to get details of how to send........