Bad Nancy
on When I'm 64 (Sri Lanka), 26/Jul/2011 14:28, 34 days ago
   So it's like I was never in Sri Lanka and I have easily fallen into disgrace. Yesterday I was with my cousin Helene and we were listening to Vince Gill a Country Western singer who is singing with James Taylor at Tanglewood on Monday along with Amy Grant; I commented that I thought Country Western singers have ugly names. I also commented that not only did Conway Twitty have an ugly name but he was ugly. I also had commented earlier in the day that Omar Kadafi was ugly. Helene could not stop commenting on what a superficial being I was, talking about people's looks and names rather then the music they sang. To make matters worse, later in the day I asked to borrow a soap dish to carry in my beautiful pink plaid utility bag and she took out a bright YELLOW soap dish and of course I said something like that would look ugly with my pink case! The shame I now have to endure..my true superficiality has come out. It didn't bother me squatting to pee or having no toilet paper or only cold water showers or people who couldn't buy the smallest item, like a soap dish, due to poverty..   On the other hand, I am hugely bothered by the ease of waste here and the lack of thought about it. I was bothered in India but we know better here. People's comfort seem so much more important than the future of the species. I too get into it, I forget to turn off lights, I take long, hot showers, I have quickly forgotten how part of my daily routine was to boil water and then pour it thru a filter before I could drink it. It is so easy to forget.    I find I am not laughing as much. I more quickly get into being a bit annoyed at this or that infraction of life's minor trials especially interpersonal ones. I am ashamed of that. Life is soooo easy, it's crazy to not just be in the moment and joyous..I really have no problems.   As a matter of fact I am feeling that having no problems isn't enough, I need to be planning something. I am thinking of running a contest for what is Nancy's future. I certainly can't sit around forever just having fun and filling my days with going on trips and lunches, dinners, lunches, brunches..firstly, I am putting on weight, secondly although I am not a person who get's bored and can always occupy my time even living in someone else's house, there eventually needs to be a purpose. I am not feeling a lack of structure per say. I think it will feel good to be in my own home and after unpacking the 2 huge boxes which, after 4 months, have finally arrived from Sri Lanka, I see it will take me weeks to find places to put all the stuff I didn't realize I bought over the time I was there and will need to be put somewhere; anyway even with all that, a purpose must be found..TBC,