Radio Radio
on It began in Africa (Kenya), 19/Aug/2011 09:55, 34 days ago
We've talked a little bit aboutmusicin Kenya but there's plenty to be said about radio stations too. BBC World Service broadcasts across Kenya in FM; the Swahili sections sound like someone speaking Italian and we aren't sure if that is supposed to be thereceived pronounciationof Swahili. Then there are your gospel stations and your reggae stations and your smooth luuurve stations, but if you get on a matatu chances are you get a bit of Classic FM.Classic FM may not be the most listened to station in Kenya but I can guarantee it is the most talked about. As we've mentioned before it is not the Classic FM of the UK; by Classic it means 90s pop and R&B. Songs are on high rotation and the playlist only changes when the CD gets broke. It makes you yearn for the return of the cassette tape.But where Classic FM really comes into its own is its programming, featuring Maina Kageni n King'ang'i in the morning. Maina Kageni's show is a mixture of advertorial and relationship advice, and it's in the advice area where the shows takes off. Maina will usually start the topic with a 'so, I was talking to some guys and they said (insert something completely objectionable by liberal western standards) is ok, what do you guys think?Previous topics have included:If your man leaves you, if he comes back do you let him? Here, so many women called to say that their men disappeared for months if not years at a time, and they let them come back into their lives.If your man has an affair should you take him back? Again men will call saying it is the way of men to have affairs and women will call saying God wants her and her man to be together.A particularly objectionable topic recently was, is it really completely unforgivable for a man to hit a woman, or can you both get over it?Usually Maina will openly call callers crazy, and King'ang'i will usually support the topic (through jokes in Swahili I don't quite get). King'ang'i is the side-kick on the show and portrays the traditional Kenyan man, and we are never sure whether he is sending up the traditional Kenyan man or just playing for laughs, which makes it difficult to say whether or not the show is challenging or supporting current sexual politics in Kenya.The advertorial section of Classic FM in the morning is also pretty special. We are all used to the radio adverts and they sound familiar here. In fact, they all sound like they have been recorded in the UK by minor celebs, so we feel right at home. But it's when Maina is hawking for the man that things get good.At this point in the proceedings, I imagine Maina leaning into the mike when he says, 'Listen, guys, today I am going to tell you about the best bank in the world, Standard Chartered. I mean these guys really know how to do banking, you are a fool if you bank with anyone else'. Effusive does not begin to describe his remonstrations: he clearly has a love for this particular bank that goes beyond the normal fiduciary relationship. As he continues his love note to the corporate world, he usually throws in an anecdote: 'I went into Standard Chartered the other day and, man, I opened an account in less than 5 minutes and I got an account that is paying 8%! I mean 8%, can you believe it? At this time and with this inflation? I was like, wow! I mean wow! These guys at Standard Chartered are really doing something for the ordinary wananchi, you know? So guys, I am giving the first caller 5000 bob to open an account with Standard Chartered'.Knocked over by this account, I would be surprised if even the most laid-back listener would not want to open account with Standard Chartered. But hold still, my pecuniary chum, a word in your ear; Maina was saying exactly the same about Barclays bank the week before!And week after week, Maina finds a new company to love and forgets the last, while we rack up bank accounts, mobile phones and hotel bills (and our "loveable" Maina racks up enormous pay offs, of course).The other show that is the subject of conversation across the country is Busted, a radio version of the American showCheaters. Cheaters is a show where cheating partners are caught with their paramours on camera and confronted by the cuckolded, all for your viewing delight. Bask in the misery of your fellow man! Cheer as a cheater is punched in the face! It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the pinnacle of human achievement.In the Kenyan radio version, a listener will call in with suspicions that their husband/ wife/ partner is cheating on them, and into the action flies Busted presenter Ciku to try and use a cunning telephone call to catch out the potential toe-rag (in fact, a while back Ciku caught out her own boyfriend live on air). To do this she almost invariably puts on her affected British accent because every single Kenyan seems to be fooled by an affected British accent. At least I've figured out how Kenya remained a colony for so long.Anyway, I digress, soCiku(and her preposterous British accent) calls the suspect with a prize of a weekend away or a dinner/party invitation, which for some reason nobody ever suspects might be a bit fishy, even though the show has been running for years. The suspect is then asked if they have anybody they would like to bring to thisMacguffin, at which point our suspect passes or fails his or her test and the call is forwarded directly to his/ her partner who will give apologies for doubting their relationship, or verbal tirades and abuse for the infidelity.It is this section that provides the mirth and merriment for the listenership, as well as finding out the different strategies that people take. First and most straightforward strategy is the 'begging for mercy'; second strategy is the 'it wasn't me' strategy, its all a complete misunderstanding; third strategy is, yes, but I love you more, it all ends now. It all plays out likeBlind Datein reverse.Here are some episodes of Busted for your listening pleasure:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPLICO8BN6chttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmXAhNv-q0M&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAqdqrNr73Q&feature=relatedAnd Busted has even spawned an industry of people trying to catch cheating spouses:http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/InsidePage.php?id=2000040732&cid=4&