In under 1500 words write with your heart, not your brain, about plaiting sand and stoning breeze
on George Hamilton (Jamaica), 28/Feb/2012 18:11, 34 days ago
The following blog contain a paragraph that is of a frank and surgical nature. (Hint - it's the second paragraph). Reader discretion is advised.My scarred brain should have known better, so next time I'll write with my un-scarred heart instead. I'll write about plaiting or braiding of a Jamaican saying, many of those I met there, and a Canadian children's poem.Here goes.Words are fun. The land abounding in streams and trees combined some to create“Plaiting sandand stoning breeze”.[It was really difficult finding plaiting sand and stoning breeze graphics on the Internet, and the very few that I found involved children and not adults. I interpret this to mean that firstly not enough stoning and plaiting is going on, and secondly that of the very little that is, the adults are not pulling their fair share].Meaning?Hints? You“plait” long hair by braiding or twisting it around itself.You“stone” something by throwing a stone at it.But how do you combine hair care with violence against the environment?And while you may think the saying involves physical actions, could it be more intangible than not?Beaches may illustrate the saying’s tangible meaning because they are often sandy and frequently breezy.However, even if you get to one, run your fingers through the sand and throw stones into the breeze, you might be nowhere near the intangible plaiting and stoning zone.You have to imagine yourself in that zone and be as one with it.Indescribable?I hope not.Even if accountants, me included, stumble over numbers like the ones causing the Euro crisis, tie themselves in knots wrapping calculators around words, and fall flat on our faces confronting the monolith of ideas, plaiting sand and stoning breeze is so important that I must try to explain it in depth.How can we give it the depth it deserves?Just arriving at a beach and performing plaiting and stoning actions is mundane. It occupies the shallowest metaphor group:Level 1 - Meteorologist– sunrise 7:40Level 2 - Accountant– The newly risen sun appears above the eastern horizon.Level 3 - Plaiter and stoner–“Awake! for Morning in the Bowl of NightHas flung the Stone that puts the Stars to Flight:And Lo!The Hunter of the East has caughtThe Sultan's Turret in a Noose of Light.From Edward Fitzgerald’s translation of The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyan.http://www.okonlife.com/poems/page6.htmThe third level is light years away from the first, so how do you get there?Your imagination transports you, not your arms.Lying on your back at the beach is a start, but then what?Suppose a large crab crawls over your foot that blocked the way to its hideaway.Don’t worry.Ignore it. What harm is it doing?Relax.Feel the gentle salty breeze caressing you, appreciate the sight of eastern Lime Cay, smile at the cooked shrimp vendor walking along the beach,[Here's a Thai vendor but the Jamaican ones are very similar.]luxuriate in the sun’s rays supplementing your vitamin D, manipulate the soft sand, watch the pelicans patrolling and diving offshore, inhale the delicious Eiscoveitch fish aroma from the nearby fish shack.Be completely aware but never distracted.Everything is so wonderful.Think how lucky you are to be away from Freeze-Bonezia.[An airplane at an airport south of Freeze-Bonezia. Freeze-Bonezia is not this warm and snow-free.]Freeze-Bonezia is the land of the stressed Freeze-Bonezians, Could they ever plait sand and stone breeze? They pay hefty airfares to travel south over the USA to the land of streams and trees.Before doing so, if sensible, they should carefully look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves whether they have the right stuff to stone-plait.As a first exercise, they might imagine themselves on a beach.They have to keep distractions at bay without trying too hard.Remember the zone.Let’s see if they can succeed against a determined, recurring distraction.Zoom, zoom, zoom,Ignore it. Put it out of your head.You can’t plait sand and stone breeze if you’re zooming.Zooming is too fast.Thinking back to Sharon, Jodean, Noreth, Carol and Vivien, did they ever plait sand?Who knows?I didn’t ask.I was too busy working.And Devon and Jerome, how was their breeze stoning, or did they just soccer their lives away?I'm going to the moon.Well possibly not.I could hang around at the sandy, breezy beach long enough for the moon to come to me by crashing into the earth.I wouldn’t have had to perspire extra-terrestrially or endure other-worldly weightlessness traveling to it.Stoning the breeze?Who has seen the wind and knows where to throw?Canadian author W. O. Mitchell has, and maybe one day I may too. Wray and Nephew could help me.Am I worried?No.Dominic will guide me spirituously.Zoom, zoom, zoom,Oh no!Back to zooming again.I’ve already passed on this one; but maybe Erin will zoom for me.Another paragraph goes by.Tim knows there’s a Section up in the Blue Mountains, but not a lofty Paragraph or Chapter.I'll get there very soon.But not as soon as Varun because my toes might sink into the soft sand and the breeze could blow miniscule, micron-sized boulders into my eyes.In spite of this, a breeze is wonderful to a Liguanean apartment dweller cooled by a vintage floor fan.I very much appreciate Mother Nature‘s free air-conditioning services on the beach.Back to the present in Freeze-Bonezia, a bus driver, maybe a Julia or Alex, strives to keep on schedule, but why?When in the sensible island I wore no watch.This was problematic one day at the St Peter and St Paul’s bus stop when I could only communicate that the time was about 8’ish.My life expectancy would have been further reduced if I had answered Wednesday-ish..The correct answer was really something like 7:48 and a half.Who would have thought time mattered so much?If you want to take a trip,Why take a trip?I’m already where I want to be with the sand and breeze.And you can be too.Although plaiting sand and stoning breeze sound so foreign, they should be to the forefront of modern Freeze-Bonezian philosophy.Doing two tasks simultaneously is multi-tasking.Climb aboard my rocket ship.Climbing?Hmm.That sounds strenuous.No thanks.Rocket?Ship?Make up your mind.Do you want me to fly or sail?Speaking for myself, I would rather canoe with Delphine and use my fishing rod to catch a Wahoo or Grunt along the way.Zoom, zoom, zoom,Here we go again, no further comment.However, more than just in the office, but all across Freeze-Bonezian culture, stone-plaiting is starting to gain momentum as marketers steer us in the right direction.Recently I dyslexically saw a SAD Auto TV commercial promoting their diesel Volkswagen Passat with a 1500 kms range between fill ups.In its commercial, a Passat stopped impliedly after that distance and a Freeze-Bonezian child streaked out of a back door, charged through yellow flowers, crashed on his front in the sand, and immediately started sand plaiting.Surely Freeze-Bonezians will soon also stone the breeze.Another commercial,“Taking 15 MacMinutes for yourself” further illustrates this more relaxed attitude in Freeze-Bonezian life.I'm going to the moon!I said it before so I’m not sure why I’m saying it again.Let the moon come to me!Even NASA is starting to emulate plaiters and stoners.It plans no lunar expeditions before 2020.Can plaiters and stoners allow themselves to be runners-up?If NASA does not plan to go to the moon until after 2020, then Abdi must not leave the beach before then.Relaxing is challenging on the beach when you’re also inputting essays into your computer.Sand can damage a laptop’s hard drive.Sunscreen and spilled Red Stripe may gum up the keyboard. The breeze may scatter rough notes.Crabs may gnaw on web cams.Be safe.Do and think absolutely nothing.Use your laptop only as a canoe anchor.It will grip the ocean bed securely unless a large King Fish greedily swallows it on the way down.[This guy, or gal, looks distinctly greedy and is undoubtedly regal. A Kingfish?]10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-plait-stoneYou didn’t think I was going to end with blast off did you?Us plaiters and stoners know not to move quickly– I’ve already vetoed rockets.Onyka and Dal, maybe former astronauts, can count down for me and blast off.So relaxedly I remain on the beach making sand patterns and occasionally throwing stones seaward.“Relaxedly,” not “idly”, for how can you be an idle multi-tasker?Word’s spell-checker asserts “relaxedly” is not in the dictionary, but like the moon coming to the earth, it will one day.Life’s a breeze.I am cool and would never stub my toe and exclaim what the Helen.I’m not currently wearing a toque or woolen hat that trendy islanders wear even at +34 degrees Celsius.Stiflingly warm hats in the tropics?Being cool?Should I try to figure it out or just plait my sand and stone my breeze?Plait-stoning isn’t easy. I tried again later in California lying on warm green grass and watching the blue sky lob random leaves, head over heels, towards me.Dreamy.But I failed stone-plaiting.I nearly jumped out of my skin imagining the sound of an approaching combine harvester or army tank bearing down on my head.It was only a skate-boarder.I should follow my own advice and ignore distractions.Not relaxed enough. Must empty mind more.So, without more ado, I shut my mind down.“Mi step out yah”.Fun is done.Here is a photo of Sharon Scott who gave me the initial information on plaiting sand and stoning breeze. Like the remainder of the Dispute Resolution Foundation office staff she was to busy herself to be involved in plaiting and stoning type activities.AcknowledgementsZoom, zoom fromhttp://canteach.ca/elementary/songspoems34.htmlJamaican saying fromhttp://www.speakjamaican.com/glossary/Volkswagen 2012 diesel model television commercialhttp://viad.tv/video-12089/vw-passat-diesel-drive-more-than-1500km-without-stopping/