a very porky christmas
on Pak'd Off (Pakistan), 08/Jan/2008 23:25, 34 days ago
well it's been a while since I've had anything to say but I thought it was time for an update so here goes....I'm writing to you from my mother's living room in Hove, UK where I've been slobbing about for around three weeks now. I decided spontaneously to return home for Christmas, no one in my family was expecting me and the carefully-planned surprises elicted such loving terms of endearment as "piss artist", "fucker" and "wanker".The decision to come home was based on various factors including the fact that AAS closed for ten days over Christmas, therefore my puny holiday entitlement would be unaffected by going home for the festive period. The slight frustration I expressed in the previous blog entry had turned quickly to a daily fury/depression at the difficulties I was experiencing in making myself understood at work and I was in dire need of some sort of refuge. The clincher came when I tried to picture a Christmas meal without pigs in blankets. I realised that it just categorically could not be done and for me it seemed like a sicker form of self-flagellation. Before you could say "pork products are amazing" I found myself on the phone to Pakistan International Airlines enquiring about direct flights from Lahore to Heathrow.I've now spent an urgently needed few weeks consuming pork products of all varieties (yes, even pork scratchings), boozing to various degrees on a daily basis and wearing revealing clothes at suitable opportunites and when not suffering from some sort of annoying flu thing which seemed to strike most people over Chrimbo/NY.And so on to the interesting part - Bhutto's assassination. Needless to say, I was pretty relieved to be here watching the riots from the comfort of my family home and not in Pakistan under house arrest like my poor housemate who was home all alone for the duration. I think VSO told her to stay in the house for around 3 days during which she had no company and no internet as there were prolonged powercuts (a regular theme in Lahore at present but usually not lasting for longer than 45 mins at a time).Everything seems to have calmed down now, however VSO were kind enough to allow me to delay my return to Pakistan. I will have been in UK for almost 4 weeks by the time I return which is quite weird and unexpected. Elections will supposedly take place on 18th February. The volunteers will again be expected to hibernate (stay home, perhaps build a little fort out of sofa cushions and bury food in order to help enhance the hibernation vibe) for 3 days or more. Initially I felt really anxious when I heard this. What if there's a severe backlash after the election? Will we be evacuated? Is the situation hopeless and should I therefore not bother to return? say the UK media: CIVIL WAR!! ....Aargh!!!!...?As is usually the case when I indulge myself in these little, but definitely justified, security-related freak-outs, I calmed myself down relatively easily by asking a few questions of some people in the know. If events following the election are consistent with Pakistan's history, it is not expected that any civil unrest will last longer than a few days. A civil war, Kenya-styley has also been deemed unlikely due to the lack of any large and distinct both politicallyandreligiously defined groups. Pakistan has been suffering its own internal conflicts in the tribal areas and other provinces for a number of years now. I don't know much about these conflicts to be honest but I do know that the situation in the relatively stable Punjab is quite different. Touch wood to the max, that's what I say.So, I'm going back to Lahore in a week's time, well rested, with a renewed patience, hoping to make my placement work better and also to take up a job opportunity with a development magazine which surfaced just before I came back.Before I sign off I would just like to comment on something important I have learnt from the treasured time I have spent back at home during this festive season seeing my valued friends and family members. Basically, it has come to my attention that a number of people I count amongst my nearest and dearest are almost completely ignorant with regards to the events of my life over the past 3 months. This can only mean one thing: you bastards aren't reading my blog! Do you know how bloody tedious it is to have to verbally relay these events over and over again, in addition to having painstakingly written them out in an easily digestable fashion and posting them on the easily accessible interweb?! It's very tedious people,VERYtedious. I'm well aware that the people reading this rant are not the people who are actually in need of hearing it, but you're obviously nice, caring people and I'm sure you would want me to vent. So, between you and me, I've decided that until these gits start reading the blog, I shall keep their names listed here. When they ask me to remove their names, I will know they've visited the page and duly withdraw them from the "name 'n' shame". I think that's fair.right1) Ben Burbridge - I read every single one of your round robins when you were travelling and I even printed them all out and made them into an attractive little book for you on your return. Why oh Why don't you care?2) Chris Kidd (pictured above as Buzz Lightyear) - my own little brother, shame. on. you.3) Dan Cuffe - I'm sickened to the core, as usual.4) Edwin David George Fenn. buck your ideas up me laddo.that is all.