Men and Women
on Sally in Namibia (Namibia), 19/Aug/2009 11:47, 34 days ago
I continue to stumble across examples of the level of inequality between men and women here, especially in relationships.I am told that Ovambo men will have 2,3, 4 or even 5 cell phones. Why? They have a different one for each girlfriend. Then I hear that these days it is not just the men and that finding a faithful Ovambo girlfriend is also a challenge.I am told by a friend that his friends tell him he is bewitched because he chooses to have one partner. The implication is that she is a witch.At a presentation discussing the tensions between Western oriented education and African tradition I hear that traditionally when a wife was pregnant a man would go 'fishing in other ponds'. Before he came home he would visit a traditional healer who would use herbs and fire to cleanse him so that he was clean when he got home.There has not been a tradition of wills in the past. Property belonged to the husband, this meant that if the husband died then the husband's family would come and reclaim the property leaving the wife and children destitute if they were lucky or, if she was unlucky, the wife was also treated as property and married to a brother of the husband. These days Western style wills have started to be used more and this happens less often.There is still a belief in witchcraft. For example if a husband dies it is possible that the wife will be accused of using witchcraft to kill him. This on top of losing her home and property to her husband's family.Linked into all this is a concept that children 'belong' to the woman. It is the woman who is responsible for raising them and providing for them and paying for their education. It is the woman's brothers who take a greater role in the child's life, their father will take more interest in the children of his sisters. I still don't fully understand how this works but one explanation I was given is that the mother's family know that the children belong to her, the father is never sure.There is a high incidence of rape, often of children, I don't know if this is linked to the belief that HIV/Aids can be cured by sleeping with a virgin. Rapists are not strangers on the street they are the friends and family members in the children's homes. Programmes start from grade 4 to empower children to be able to say no if they do not like the way someone is behaving towards them– it was moving to attend a workshop on this programme and to see the concern and fear among participants on how to protect their children.I am reading a book of testimonies by Namibia women talking about experiences like these and others. They are strong, brave women from all over Namibia who have overcome all sorts of adversity. It makes me hopeful that change is possible and that today's girls will grow up to take an equal role in relationships and in society.