Danay Express
on An Earl in Cameroon (Cameroon), 10/Feb/2010 16:49, 34 days ago
“Take the Danay Express, when your life’s in a messIt’ll make you smileAll human life is hereFrom the feeble old dear to the screaming child…”(To the tune ofThe National Expressby The Divine Comedy)In well over a year here I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve taken the Danay Express bus service.Put it this way, since coming toCameroonI’ve never driven a car and I’ve only ever taken the occasional lift in the VSO 4x4 (I’ve learned that an NGO isn’t a real NGO unless it has several big 4 wheel drives); so most of my time spent travelling has been with Danay.If I do however, take an average of 2 trips to Maroua per month with a round trip being about 400km; that’s 800km per month.In 13 months that’s 10,400km sitting on the Danay; if you factor in the trips to and from N’Gaoundère to catch the train then it’s well over 15,000km.I can safely say that on each and every one of those trips there has been something to“make me smile”.So, in case there are those of you out there who may wish to come to Yagoua one day, then there are certain things I feel I should share about the Danay Express experience.The first thing to know about catching a Danay bus is the boarding system.Before buying your ticket you need to have a long chat with the Danay ladies behind the ticket desk (neither myself, Lizzie or Bronwyn know their names so they’re just known as the Danay ladies).You then drop your bag roughly in the vicinity of where the bus will park, you take a seat and you wait.Then you wait some more.And some days you’ll have to wait a bit longer.There are no timetables or clocks anywhere in Danay.As Yagoua is a terminus, then it’s certain that a bus will arrive at some stage though be prepared to wait anything up to 2½hours…make sure your ipod is charged and you have a good book.When the bus does arrive, it disgorges its passengers and baggage and reverses into position ready to hare off to Maroua again.The next step (and one of the most entertaining) is loading the baggage.M. Serena is the no-nonsense guy who calls out passengers names and yells at them to“deposez vos bagages”.Now baggage is a very loose description– cargo would be better.I’ve seen all of the following, and more, hoisted up onto the roof of the bus: chickens, goats, sheep, sacks of rice, sheet metal, bicycles, motorbikes, lorry tyres, mattresses, generators – the rule is if it can be lifted by 4 porters then it goes up.When the bags are almost up, M. Serena will then stand by the door, shout out the passengers names and hand them their tickets.Theoretically it’s first come, first served but it also depends on how important you are.We generally reserve our tickets the day before so we’re always one of the first handful on.That’s not neo-colonialist; it’s just being smart.You see there are four seats per row on the bus yet there are always five people squeezed in…always.As one of the seats is a smaller folding seat in the aisle then it’s good to get on early and get a window seat.This avoids having your arse spread over two seats that are either unlevel or miles apart.It also reduces the chances of being shoved into the sweaty armpit of a Cameroonian who has draped his arm around the back of the chair to make more room.On the odd time I’ve found myself on an aisle seat I’ve been known to drape an arm over the back of the seat of my fellow passenger.You soon overcome any issues of personal space out here– you have to.Once the last of the sheep have been tied down, the tarpaulin is lashed to the roof rack by the motor-boy (a young lad responsible for taking off and putting on the bags at the various stops along the way), you’ve squeezed yourself into your seat and waved to the Danay ladies, you’re off."On the Danay Express there’s a jolly hostess selling crisps and teaShe’ll provide you with drinks and theatrical winks for a sky high feeMiniskirts were in style when she danced down the aisle back in 63But it’s hard to get by when your arse is the size of a small country…"Ok, here’s where the Danay Express actually differs from Neil Hannon’s National Express.There are no crisps or tea.All forms of refreshment are bought through the window of the bus at the various stops along the way.The gateaux in Guiguidis are the best on route, at the Danay in Kaélé there’s a fridge that sells coke, Top Pamplemousse and Djino (both artificially flavoured Cameroonian soft drinks).At Magada junction the bus is always surrounded by young lads selling peanuts, yoghurt, water or dates as if their life depended on it– and really, it does.The on-bus entertainment is varied.You could spend 3 hours listening to the driver’s choice of music that could be anything from Arabic chant-like music to Celine Dion, from Phil Collins to Senegalese rap and from Craig David to the humble Shakira.The worst I’ve yet to experience was James Blunt’sYou’re beautifulfour times in a half hour.God bless Apple for inventing the ipod.The entertainment is not limited to music though.Look around and might be lucky to find yourself in a staring contest with an upside-down chicken looking at you through the rear window.On one occasion I spent a happy 5 minutes watching the rain stream down the window until I realised that it was December, in the middle of the 9 month dry season, and the“rain” I was watching was actually a sheep relieving himself on the roof.The poor Chadians who travel can also offer a diversion whenever the bus gets stopped at acontrôle. At eachcontrôle, a uniformed soldier will get on the bus, wish everyone a good day and ask for their identity cards.It is quite often the Chadians who will be discreetly told to get off the bus for not having their IDs in order.Then they’ll be taken over to a little hut where they then discreetly slip the soldier a 1,000 franc note.They always check theNassara’sID as well and are just curious to know where you’re from, so don’t be worried about having to contact the Department of Foreign Affairs or Amnesty International.Be prepared for stops.Apart from thecontrôles, there are stops for prayer time, for road tolls and for the very rare breakdown (only twice in 15 000km).On the plus side, there are no traffic lights, there are no traffic jams or indeed there is practically no traffic at all.Danay Express is more than just a bus company.It is Yagoua’s main link with the outside world.It connects families; it supplements soldiers’ incomes; it provides a customer base for yoghurt sellers;it’s regularly hired for football matches, weddings and funerals and, above all, it entertains.It beats the National Express, or Bus Eireann for that matter, hands down.I mean where else can you perspire and spend 3 hours happily squashed against a lady with an arse the size ofSan Marino.All together now…….."When you’re sad and feeling blueWith nothing better to do, don’t just sit their feeling stressedTake a trip on the Danay Express…"GC