Indian weddings - my personal thoughts
on Jen's Indian Adventure (India), 25/May/2010 23:58, 34 days ago
I was walking home yesterday evening, taking my usual route- first past two 5 star hotels and then in through a city slum, when I started thinking to myself about Indian weddings.The reason for this is that a friend had said he’d been invited to a wedding in one of the hotels and then as I was walking through the slum I saw a typical banner that is used to identify a wedding in progress-‘A weds B’.Apart from the obvious difference of the amount of money spent on them, how different are they really?Weddings inIndia, or at least here in Orissa, are traditionally arranged marriages. Now I’ve had this explained to me it actually it seems like a good idea. The parents of the couple do seem to put a lot of effort into finding the perfect ‘someone’ for their son or daughter. Girls, and sometimes boys, have their ‘for sale’ pictures taken which can be placed in various newspapers, but more often than not it is word of mouth that finds the perfect partner. Some young women wear a lot of white makeup as seemingly Indian men are looking for whiter brides these days. An ex-colleague got the chance to meet and turn down four possible husbands before eventually saying yes (shemarries this weekend). Parents are met and interviewed about their child. The children then meet for one or maybe two hours before they make the final decision. Then that’s it until the wedding day. No dinner or movie dates. Just hello and next thing they’re married.The wedding dates are generally chosen by a respected priest and last three days– after all the couple need to get to know each other before finally taking the ultimate vow.Having been at an Indian wedding I get the impression that the people who least enjoy it are the couple themselves. They have to meet and greet everyone at whatever time their guests arrive. Very often the bride has had the greater hardship as she could be left waiting for the groom to arrive for hours after she arrives. It is traditional that the bride ties herself to her soon-to-be husband’s father and therefore his family first. And very often the party is for the guests. Sometimes the couple themselves don’t get to eat any of the meal.Traditionally brides move into their in-laws house. Very often extra rooms are built on for the occasion (if the family can afford it). Brides may be expected to move hundreds of miles away from home and in some cases never see their own family again. Their role then becomes that of cook, cleaner and general house-maid, even if they do work outside the home. Up by 6am it is their role to cook all meals for everyone in the house.Many families insist that the new bride wear saris even if she prefers to wear the more comfortable salwar kameez. I know some women who change in the office so as not to insult their mother-in-law. But I do question the women who were lucky enough to have‘arranged love’ marriages. Why don’t their husbands stand up for them so that they can wear whatever they want whenever they want?Having been very sceptical about arranged marriages before coming toIndiaI now have more faith in them. The families do seem to put a lot of effort into making the match. And it has to be said at this point that Indian marriages have the same problems as European ones, just more of it is behind closed doors.But would arranged marriages be accepted inIreland?Maybe.