4 months into it and feeling a little bleue
on Michelle Brosseau Nestor (Burkina Faso), 15/May/2010 13:48, 34 days ago
 I have been in Burkina Faso for 4 months and it feels like forever– time goes by so slowly.As far as work is concerned it seems that everything you do is to simply execute on mundane tasks that are for very short term results. Rarely do you feel you are transferring skills that will benefit in the long run– for one you do not feel that what you communicate is actually being heard by the right person, or if it is the right person then it probably is not going to be considered because it means changing their ways: the way they think, the way they plan for the future (which they do not), the way theywork. From what I have experienced so far the only way the local ONGs or community based organizations survive is by subsidies, aid from the rich, and the subsidies are for projects. So once the project is finished and the money has run out then they scramble for more aid or they simply stop the project no matter who is affected by not receiving the essential service once provided – and it is simply accepted as the way it is instead of planning on how they will use the project aid to build something sustainable and ensure some continuity by generating revenues that will guarantee services inthe future. It is like a catch-22 because to create a revenue base is not easy when you are not use to using your creativity, when you have always survived on aid, when the economy is stagnant and nobody has money. They look to the white volunteer to help them find money like as if we personally know grantmakers, or even know how the money will be used and for what sustainable purpose. Nothing seems sustainable.I am still not sure what I am doing here– how I can help in the big scheme of things or even in the little scheme of things.I am presently reading a book entitled“Dead Aid – why aid is not working and how there is another way for Africa” by Dambisa Moyo. Her theory is that aid has ruined Africa and from the little experience I have I think she makes a really good case. A must read for anybody interested. ISBN 978-0-141-03118-7So as I write this blog I am somewhat disillusioned– wondering if I will be able to do my full term of 2 years – trying not to get too discouraged but not really finding my purpose. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.I am also learning that Africans are really hard with each other– they are the first ones to exploit their brothers (and abuse their sisters). “Un Africain qui est bon, est moins bon qu’un blanc qui est mauvais”. The moral being that an African will have an agreement with an employee and then change the conditions as the employee becomes more dependent on his pay check – so the employer asks him to do more and more work and pay him less and less frequently and sometimes not at all – very conscience of the cruelty imposed. The poor employee is now poorer and has no recourse against his employer because he has worked under the table. Working herewithout paying income taxes is probably 90% of the workers (adults& kids). Even friends screw each other, borrowing in need and never paying back even once they have the means and the other is now asking as he is now in need. It’s like they don’t like each other or trust each other – but for sure they do not respect each other. So with that type of mentality you can just imagine how women are treated in this very male society.It’s humid, it’s hot as hell, the same food day in and day out, only so much interesting things to do, too hot for exercise and I feel sluggish - and I miss my kids like crazy.Today might just be a shitty day for me– but if it wasn’t for Issouf and being able to at least help him and his family – I am not so sure I would stay much longer. I hope this is just a passing phase as I really would like to feel good about being here.