Wedding Season?
on Pam Kerruish (Tajikistan), 07/Jul/2010 17:05, 34 days ago
7-7-10Actually I think it is always "wedding season " here, but I am just back from my first Tajik wedding . They generally last 3 hours so a 6pm start has you home in good time. ( and sorry, I lent my camera to Carly , { who I will introduce later}forgetting I was going out tonight. )By the way the groom ,( whose family invited me ) is the brother in law of the sister of the niece of the lady next door . got that ? No wonder they had to pass a law to limit the size of weddings when they invite the likes of me . But they do like a foreign guest I think.Soooo...It started with the arrival of the bride and groom ( who were formally married in a small civil ceremony earlier in the day) who are greeted at the venue - usually a hall decorated up and with chairs covered in material the way we do for weddings - with horn players and drummers. The horns are at least 6 feet long and if you hold one for a while I'm sure you know about it . The two who played today were pretty good. One could blow the horn with his head thrown back and balanced on his top lip.Anyway the bride and groom made their way to a table at the top of the room which is raised up from the floor. As they got out of the car and at frequent intervals the bride , who never smiles , bowed slowly to the guests.They sat there with their best friends on either side and did not smile or speak to each other all night.( Mirzo has since told me that they have their friend to support them as they may not know the new wife /husband.)This bride and groom met each other by arrangement .Apparently they met in a restaurant to talk about the idea of marriage and thought it was a goer "so thats why they are getting married" No wonder they don't smile! ( though actually its not considered seemly to smile )The bride today was typically fancy . There wasn't a single comment about her beauty as she had her veil down all the time but its obvious that she is "prepared" very well. She had an off - the shoulder white dress which would out- do any Disney doll. It had a huge ruffled skirt - like the curtains in the Gaiety used to be ,with roses and stuff sewn on,. and a tight bodice with shiny polka dots on. She had lace gloves looped over her fingers and up to her elbow.Her dress had pleated straps and her arms had elaborate sequin designs on . She had the obligitory heavy crystal necklace and a tiara holding her veil. In all she looked like a young girls idea of a bride doll. ( I think. ) The groom wore a suit and although the ladies had evidently got dressed up the men wore casual shirts. The grooms "friend " on the top table had a short sleeved sports shirt on. And by the way, the men and women sat separately on different tables.Anyway the food is similar to all the celebrations I've been to. Enough food on the table for you to think thats it- and then samboosas , then a kind of doughy thing, then meat . The food is served by the grooms friends who spend their stag night preparing it. ( Are you reading this Fletch? ) As things progress an elder of the grooms family ( today it was a very game grandma probably in her 80's ) goes around and gives each of the men who help a square peice of material -originally intended to be a prayer mat I think- which they wear folded into a triangle around their waists.I think they look great .Proceedings begin with a family friend saying something nice and sentimental and then guests come up say something and give their present - to the bowing bride. I was asked to say something and tried to say "Shoh shlent as shea" (a Manx toast) and made a right brock of it. Hopefully , no -one will ever know. Although practically every breath is videoed.Any way the speeches are interspersed with dancing and as always , I was impressed with the dancing tonight. The men set the pace and some are really impressive . Perhaps its not suprising as there was a one year old boy there tonight who had evidently got the idea of holding his arms up -so they start young. ( this same little chap touches his heart when you greet him with Assolum Aleykum ( Anglicised version of the greeting ) - its lovely! The best dancers dance very fast and stylishly. ( I reckon they could be a match for Riverdance.) I was honoured with a dance with the star dancer tonight -as the foreigner I suppose - but it was fun. Tajiks do not seem to be at all ageist. The only trouble was that it was extremely hot . It was a very hot day (over 40 )and then we had 120 or so people in a hall and then I danced . I am suprised I havent sweated away to nothing. I was beginning to think that I was too hot and couldn't stand the pace when deliverance came in the form of a drunken man who had been to America and wanted to talk to me about it .He thought I was from Ireland and kept saying "John Kennedy , Robert Kennedy , Nebraska" etc and it was too much for the young girl who was acting as my interpreter so after the Bride and Groom had their first formal, unsmiling dance we left. All in all it was a great experience and I'm really glad I went . I had had a busy day at work and I was shattered in the heat and didn't really want to but ,predictably, I had a good time . Anyway, time for bed .8-07-1Well , Degmai was interesting today; first a group of people came from an NGO called Counterpoint , who are based in Dushanbe and who want to help Degmai. I asked them for some wheelchairs which they may be able to provide. The unusual thing tho', was that the director brought them to see the children. Usually dignitaries just come to one of the holidays and never see any but the few "good " children who are wheeled out for an hour or so.I think these guys must have asked to see them. It was interesting that , after they'd gone , the director told the cleaner off for not having the floor completely covered in carpet;shortly afterwards some rolls of carpet appeared and covered up the wooden areas which I have marked out as "safe"places to feed the children - so if they drop some food the world doesnt end.Now,no doubt if will feel as if its going to when we spill a bit of something!Today is the Day for Disabled People in Tajikistan (Worldwide?)and as always on these auspicious ( sp?)occasions they have what they call a "holiday" .This is a kind of party with party food, speeches , a singer and dancing. Only the selected few residents attend and everyone who is invited thinks that Degmai is a jolly nice place.Well today I was pretty mad as I heard that NO children were going to go and was chunnering about it being for disabled people when I learned the reason why. Two of the disabled adults of Degmai were being married . This had all the ingredients of last nights wedding with the addition of the Zoroastrian custom of walking round a fire before entering your house. ( which I liked - they lit a kind of big broom of twigs to make a fire for the bride and groom to walk round) Unfortunately my camera died just at that point.( not having much luck this week.)The brides dress was almost identical to the one I saw last night and , as Carly said, it brought to mind those toilet roll covers people used to Crotchet.This should have been a really happy occasion ( within the constraints of arranged marriages !)and you had to acknowledge that Degmai had pulled out all the stops , butI couldnt help thinking that it was just more window dressing to convince everyone that they are a big happy family there. " look -we put on weddings for ourgirls ,we have receptions and parties just like other people"When in reality the place is full of neglected children and the veneer is a terrible waste of resources.Bride Groom and Brides best friend and "helper"This is a picture of MDI( My darling Islom ) to show by contrast the reality of life in Degmai today. Thought to be fair ,he was not as miserable as he looks - he is always happy when he's grubbing around on the ground looking for fallen apricots or cherries.( I just wanted to put his picture in really.)I'll just add that I've been asked to a Christian wedding (via an equally tenuous relationship )next Friday so that will be interesting to see .17-7-10Well I've had a lovely day today , out shopping for Degmai with Shane, Carly and Mirzo. Shane and Carly are both VSO volunteers who came up to Khojand last Monday. Shane is working in the same organisation as Philip and Carly , who is an OT is going to be in Degmai for two weeks. Its nice to have the company, to have a fresh look at things and to have previous work reinforced. And its equally nice that there are four volunteers here - I've been the only one for so long it feels like a party. Actually we went out on a "Friday" outing last night and VSO was represented by 6 out the 10 of the group as Mirzo ( translator ) and Omeda ( who used to work with my first flat mate,Jeremy) were with us.I gloated a bit to those who have always been in the dominant organisation ( Operation Mercy )-how pathetic is that?Anyway Shane has a car and generously acted as chauffer as we zipped about for bits and peices. Unfortunately we couldn't get to two major markets as the President is up here at Karakoum, the big resevoir near here, and everywhere for miles around was shut down. His security is always high but perhaps more so since the Khrgys troubles?re last week-DushanbeI think I have mentioned that the EU are here working for the Ministry for Social Protection with the brief of raising standards in Internats ( all ages, all kinds).They are here for 3 years, they are based in Dushanbe and at the moment they are piloting their planned training . This involves doing a lot of introductory training prior to introducing Key Working to the more competent participants with the hope that they will then cascade the whole training into "their " internat. Degmai isn't part of the pilot but it has been included because I am here and I can try to reinforce the learning and push it on a bit.I was invited to the last batch of training ( last week)to present on Sensory stimulation ,Communication and the Importance of Play and Activities with my fellow volunteer Kerstin.I had put forward two names for participants from Degmai which the director effectively blocked by not saying anything to them until the dinner time of the day before they had to leave. Anyway ,I contacted Claire, the British trainer who had had problems with the Degmai staff the director had chosen to send before and she put the pressure on with the result that the chief Nurse, Hadicha, went.(one of my choices )I think the director wanted to make it impossible for them to go and then to substitute her daughter . She works about an hour a day out of her working day of 8 to 12 as teacher in Degmai. I recently learned that the Directors father and uncle were Directors of Degmai so perhaps she is grooming her daughter to be her successor.The training was interesting. It was held in Chorborg the showplace Internat on the outskirts of Dushanbe.The particular building has just been re-furbished and so everything looked modern and new. Kerstin ( from Germany ) and I ( left, if this doesn't move too far) were trainers ,participants and observers. For me the observing was the most useful bit as it gave me a bit of an insight into the mind set of the participants which I hadn't had before. For instance "it is written in a book" which quite a few people had read that Europeans and Americans practiced genocide on all their disabled people until recently. Possibly not the best basis on which to come in as a volunteer and say how you should behave towards disabled people!It was interesting to see how difficult it was for the participants to get into training thinking - for instance when asked what a childs basic needs are one answered " being with a child every minute " .Perhaps having had so much training we are so used to concepts such as basic needs we dont realize that they are new ideas to other people who take a lot of stuff as"given".Despite being able to speak at least two languages fluently the group couldnt master the card game "Pairs" and they found it difficult to understand playing as anything but childrens "fun" ( and therefore unimportant) -they couldnt see any aspects of socialisation, manipulation, learning etc in it at all.But I have learned that Tajiks are not "fattist" . One of the games was a kind of musical chairs where you chose a group to leave a circle of chairs ( one short )and move to another seat ( leaving one person chairless )and one person chose "fat people " to move - without anyone turning a hair.Tajik Tele was there for part of the time and I took this picture so I could show Hadicha she had been filmed. ( she had a mock presentation of her certificate as she had to leave to get her plane.)I also realised that I am slowly becoming sensitised to the culture as I could see that Claire ,the trainer,made some assumtions that I wouldn't make now.Her interpreter , a linguist , was interesting.He loves meeting people from different language groups and was delighted to meet a Celt.He knows a tremendous amount about how languages have influenced different cultures and has met people from all over the world .Being in Dushanbe was nice - it always seems easier there for some reason ( the washing machine? the choice of restaurants? the English speaking company? ) We went to an Arabian restaurant one night . I was suprised to find the bill came in a box ( things are more expensive there but I didn't think it would be so big!) but it has sweets in it. Nice.When I got back to Khojand I found I had some junk mail ! Imagine getting junk mail in Tajikistan! (I havent recieved my Christmas presents yet) I get the Guardian Weekly here - a condensed paper for expats all over the world -and they must have got my address from their mailing list .I came back to the temperatures in the 40's at the hottest time of day. Hot . There are strange sensations associated with it . Sitting dripping with sweat but not feeling particularly hot as you havent done anything physically demanding :picking up a glass and thinking you have taken it from a dishwasher ( warm) and touching the electric radiator ( unplugged for some months now ) and finding it warm to the touch.Finally, without any razzmattazz ( as this may have undermined the Directors "Holiday" wedding) we started to use the playing field this week . Hurray! I will try to have a sports day which will be more of an opening ceremony but I really wanted to begin to use it. It was hilarious really as tho' the kids are really excited about it we had to have member of staff there to be with the children as they arrived and Hadicha , in her wisdom , took them straight into the sunhouses!That rather dampened the excited atmophere. Still, we has a great time.Abdul Malik brumming himself around the corner of the running "circuit".Me as starter in our first ever wheelchair race.And there they go!( plus other runners who just wanted to run - wheelchair race or not)and her are the water boys ( no idea why this has gone blue ) Umet ? and Amir - look at his trousers! he had a great time . Rachmon in the backround rattling an old bit of plastic he found.Progress will be reported on next week. Pamx