In Which C=(F-32)x 5/9
on Zoe Page (Sierra Leone), 12/Oct/2010 19:14, 34 days ago
We have no electricity over night, and I wake up clammy. The internet is also down. Ho hum. I walk to work wishing one of the 3 MP3 players I’ve brought with me would deign to work for even one day.I attach myself to someone who looks vaguely familiar and get him to draw me an Organogram while I surreptitiously plug my laptop in to their working (for now) electricity supply. The diagram is not bad, but he doesn’t mark himself on it which means, erm, yep, I still have no clue what his name is or what he does. Whoops. I ask him what he’s up to today, and he says teaching the MCH Aides, so I ask him if I can watch, but in the sort of way that he cannot say no.It turns out to be kinda fun. It seems to be a revision class (at least I hope that’s the reason for its randomness) and the first question is what is 2.5kg in lbs. I seem to remember thantwo-and-a-quarter-pounds-of-jam-weigh-about-a-kilogrambut think it might actually be 2.2 lbs to the kg, so work with that figure. I’m not a member of the class, but once they see me scribbling, a couple of women at the back look beseechingly at me, so I suggest 5.5lbs might be roughly the answer. They immediately stick up their hands and pass it off as their own doing. Shameless hussies. Kinda makes me smile, though. 2.5kg isbeing used as it’s the threshold for an ok baby – below that and they count as low birth weight.The next calculation is a more random 36.3kg. This time I am word to the wise. I do it but cover my answers, and make the girls near me try it themselves first. We all agree on the apparently insignificant 79.86 lbs. That’s where my luck / brains run out. The next task is to change 97.6 F into Celcius. Such things were before my time and I don’t have a clue but vaguely recall it’s a nonsense equation with fixed numbers and fractions in, which makes no sense at all. We move onto some very strangely worded questions. I’m not surprised there’s confusion over the following:Of the list below, all are preventable by immunization except:• Measles• Polio• Yellow fever• Tetanus• None of the above• All of the aboveI wouldn’t have given that sort of question to even my most advanced EFL learners. We then randomly move back to maths, and talk of rounding as the questions are multiple choice. That means that when an answer is 79.86 (oh...now it makes sense) they are to pick....80. I’m really struggling to figure outthe competency level of this group but they are lively and seem keen to learn, despite various members disappearing off with a plastic kettle every so often.Another recognisable face comes to the door as I am scoffing bread from my bag. It’s 11.15am but I’m starved. I didn’t have enough oats this morning, but it’s such a kefuffle to boil and reboil the water for them that I couldn’t be bothered to make a second helping. I leave the classroom and follow him to the benches where we talk a little, and swap numbers. I tell himto spell his name for me (shameless attempt to get away without admitting I’ve not a clue what he’s called) and find out it’s Clifford. He asks what I can (will?) teach the MCH Aides. I talk about medical terminology, maybe presentation skills, computing. His eyes light up. He wants to learn computing. Before I know it we are in one of the offices with him showing me the desktop (awash with all manner of documents) and telling me he ‘needs to learn Windows’.Go on then.We start with theStartbutton, but his gravitation towards Wordpad has me tutting. Instead, we open up Word, then I stick on my laptop (again, niftily charging it in the process) to mirror his screen. We start small:My name is Clifford. Or, rather,my name is cliffordfollowed by the question of where capital letters come from. I explain. I confuse. I shouldn’t be offering two options. Caps Lock is clearly the way to go. No one really needs Shift.We move on.Bold,Italic,Underline.Bold and Italic.Bold and Underline. It takes a while but he is really into it, and it’s so nice to feel useful for once. That is, until the question of what you use each for, comes up, and I have to explain the rules are...there are no rules. I open up the first document I can find on my own computer, which bizarrely is the New A11 SOP Wendy wrote just before I left. It is a greatexample of headings and body text and illustrates my point perfectly. I get fed a banana in gratitude, and feel a little like a performing chimp. Then he takes me out for a soft drink, to one of the roadside stalls, and I try not to spit out my Sprite when he asks if, in the UK, we have a blood test for vegetarianism. We walk back, he introduces me to the missus (who is in the classroom I was observing before) and we discuss why I am not married given, though he doesn’t quite say so, how old I am.The Sprite has pushed me over the edge, so I ask one of my new friends from yesterday (who rang me last night to say hi) to show me the loos. I almost wish I hadn’t. There are 3, none with seats, all with murky puddles of liquid around them. And me, with my sandals on. None of them flush but she goes off to get me some water, hence explaining this morning’s kettles. The idea is, you do your business and then pour water down to flush it under a bit. Fineif you’re basically peeing clear (as a result of all the water), less so if it’s a higher number. Without meaning to be too graphic, have you ever seen an old poo that’s gone furry? The person before me has kindly emptied her bowels in the loo, and when I pour water over this, it disintegratesquickly and, well, fluffily. Ick.Maybe it’s the look on my face as I return, or maybe it’s the fact that they’ve had enough of me for one day, but at a little after 1.30pm I am sent packing. It’s a gorgeous sunny day and I fully intend sitting on my balcony if no one else wants me, but first I want to pop by SierraTel and fuss about my dongle. It may be the whole network’s down, but I want to know. Internet here is not cheap, and I’m not going to the slow, smelly internet caff if I don’t have to. It takes some time, but they sort it out, all the while claiming it is my computer, not their stick. Liars. Still, I make a friend in the process. His name is Christopher and his brother is a doctor in the UK. He knew Maria (but then so did most people) so we have a nice chat about volunteers and I cheekily mention that we don’t get paid, just get a little allowance for food and certainly not enough to pay for computerrepairs...Back home the clouds have rolled over, so instead I make do with reading on the sofa while it’s still light since the power has not returned. Junior assures me it will, though, as it never stays off for more than 2 days on this street as the Chief of Police lives a few houses down. He also says that it’s a safe neighbourhood for this reason, which is slightly reassuring given the numberof people at work who have looked hugely concerned when I say I live alone without any security.When the power comes back on, a little after 6pm, I jump up. On goes the fan, on goes the laptop. It’s like collecting and saving rain water, except I’m saving up power in my two batteries, and cool air in my room. It’s amazing how the smallest things can perk up your day and I crack open the Oreo wafers to celebrate.