In Which A Trip Into Town Is No Walk In The Park
on Zoe Page (Sierra Leone), 03/Nov/2010 19:55, 34 days ago
I’ve accidentally discovered the stats page on Blogger. And by ‘accidentally discovered’ I mean deliberately went searching it out after reading Vasile’s blog ( http://vasile.blog.ca/  ) and seeing she had a visitor counter on it. So I now have one too, but on the admin page can also see loads more - everything from Google search terms people have used to their browsers (don’t worry, IE is not #1) to their country of access. Which means I need to give a big, if slightly surprised, hello to anyone reading this in Sweden and South Korea as, after the UK and Sierra Leone, you’re my biggest readership this week...How To Go Food Shopping In Manchester1. Get in car. Drive to Tesco.2. Chose items. Lots of lovely choice. Whole aisle of olives. Yummy.3. Put chosen items in trolley.4. Repeat.5. Go to checkout. Swipe Clubcard. Pay on card.6. Put trolley bags into car.7. Drive home.8. Unpack into fridge, freezer, cupboards.How To Go Food Shopping In Kenema1. Walk down to main road, along bumpy tracks, dodging goats, dogs that need putting down and children.2. Wait to cross over so you can walk facing oncoming traffic. Ignore bikes who think you want a ride.3. Cross over and walk along the road. There are no pavements. Next to major roads are open drains where the pavements should be: long, dug out canals you would break an ankle falling into.4. Have a heart attack when a bike comes up behind you– driving on the wrong side of the road.5. Reach market. Note that the different tables all sell different things, but whenever you approach one, the women from the others with converge upon you. Personal space is a foreign concept here. They are mere millimetres away from you. They want to sell you things you don’t want (actually, maybe Mr Tesco does that too).6. Say what you want. Today: tomatoes, beans, one onion, one carrot. Refuse multiple bags of the latter two– the quality’s not wonderful and they’ll just go off anyway.7. Ask the price of each. Rather than barter, simply say‘No’ and look away. Wait for a lower price.8. Allow the various stalls to put your requests into the same plastic bag. Check inside for items you don’t want (i.e. cucumbers) and remove said offending items with a glare. This is not a free-gift-with-purchase economy.9. Take advantage of the great mathematical dyslexia of this country. Look in the bag, decide how much you will pay (paying no regard for the previously‘agreed’ prices), and hand over a wodge of money to one of the women.10. Leave as she is divvying it up among the others. Sigh as the euphoria of getting your chosen price evaporates in the knowledge that, since no one is complaining you didn’t pay enough, they were clearly fleecing you.11. Go to the proper supermarket 30m away.12. Get excited that they’ve had a big delivery. Lots of new things including, whoop de doo, new chocolate and new biscuits.13. Get confused about the price of kidney beans in relation to other kinds. Put some in the basket anyway. Can't make a 3 bean soup with only 2 types of beans.14. Notice there is a new type of peanut butter. Waste a few moments calculating the price per 100g to see if it’s a better deal than the larger tubs. Remember the good old days of Division 1 maths – no mathematical dyslexia for us.15. Go to the till and watch evil thief woman like a hawk as she enters the prices, to ensure she doesn’t overcharge.16. Go outside and stand on the steps to unwrap the cheap imitation Cornetto you have bought (and then remember it’s not cheap, just cheaper: £1.50 compared to £5 for Walls)17. Panic when a mad man approaches demanding“I want Glace!” Simultaneously become impressed with his French / your ability to look Gallic while protectively shielding your ice cream.18. Watch as the security guard beats him off with a stick. This is not a euphemism. There really is a stick.19. Stand and eat your ice cream until he disappears, thank the guard and then head home.20. Walk along the other side of the road this time. In a choice of safety or shade, safety has to win. Better to be able to see the maniacs as they attempt to hit you, than worry too much about sun stroke.21. Note lots of road side stalls offering to charge mobiles for 1000 Leones. Wonder again how much the electricity bill will be. Decide, on principle, Junior is never to charge his phone in this house again.22. Get home hot and dripping. Dump bags, strip off clothes and stand in underwear in front of the fan for a few moments.23. Get redressed in something else. Unpack into the single cupboard.24. Be glad you now have a housemate so can go back to buying big cartons of juice which would go off in a one-person household. Calculate the saving is approximately 2500 Leones twice a week compared to buying overpriced individual cartons. Realise that is still only equivalent to one cheap and nasty fake Cornetto every fortnight.