My life in silent film
on My Thai (Thailand), 16/Feb/2011 07:55, 34 days ago
I’m flagging.It has now been nine days since my last conversation with a fellow human being.I never appreciated before coming here just how crucial communication is to every aspect of life.One of the many VSO questions during their selection process centres on your feelings about the possibility of being placed away from others, of being isolated. In some ways I thought‘Great! What an opportunity!’ A flicker of Morrissey-esque pomposity arose within me - something to do with freedom from the ties that bind. Being quite shy and socially unprepossessing, I’ve found over the years that escape from the masses, be it through little photographic jaunts or walks orbike rides, brings a kind of stillness that my mind doesn’t often experience. Far from the madding crowd there’s freedom from the pressure to go there, do that, smile, appease, agree, defer, bite the tongue: freedom to just ‘be’.So when faced with this I took the standard, universally agreed approach to interview questions: make the right noises and worry about the details afterwards.Except I wasn’t worried! Well, not at first. Before leaving home I heard there’d be a volunteer placed around half an hour away and was relieved there’d be someone within shouting distance who would also be experiencing a VSOer’s way of life. I knew that I could keep myself entertained with books, music,DVDs, needles of various sizes (none medical, I hasten to add). I knew there’d be internet, Facebook, Skype. If anything I’d probably be in contact with people more than when I’d been living just around the corner!As enjoyable and invaluable as that first month in Chiang Mai proved to be, I think it ultimately made the move to going solo much more challenging for me. In a town with such a busy and vibrant‘farang’ scene, it’s hard to imagine that anywhere a volunteer is headed can be too far removed from that.Now, four months on, communication is still ever present - even through its absence.I listen to the radio and hear about the concerns of people thousands of miles away: people I’ll never know, places I’ll never visit. I read a book and a world is laid out by the author’s hand for me to enter and depart whenever the inclination strikes. I put on a DVD and witness all manner of human interaction; the pleasures and pains they bring. I log on to Facebook and am told whowent where, who likes what, who’s poking who.It’s there...it’s real...but it’s no substitute.It’s only through a lack of genuine, non-technological communication that I’ve come to appreciate how important it is to me.Of course, I love my family and friends but in the past I’d also loved the fact that I could pick and choose when to see them, when to be alone. I'm sure everyone's had that feeling of deflating obligation at the prospect of a promised visit or planned night out when there's nothing you'd like more than to curl up on the sofa and watch trash on the tv.Here the choice to be antisocial or otherwise is somewhat out of my hands. While I may be able to email, text, and write to my heart’s content, it’s quite rare that I get to carry out a conversation ‘live’. The occasional weekend catch up at the moment seems to comprise 90% of my interactions for the following week or two and is little consolation during the long days spent silent and solitary at work.As of yesterday I was five months down, seven to go.At the moment it’s feeling like a long and thankless slog ahead.