The Fire Storm of Life
on Blog From Beyond (Rwanda), 05/Mar/2010 16:52, 34 days ago
Are we sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin my mid-life crisis.29's not too early, right? Best get it out the way.I'm writing this to help keep myself calm whilst simultaneously signing a contract of employment and a letter of resignation for the same job.Like waiting for buses, you hear nothing from HR or your manager for a week, then everyone turns up at once!I actually like my manager, she's a nice lady - how she's stuck the college for over twenty years I don't know. Apparently it wasn't always like that. But that's what they say about everywhere, right ;)We had lunch today and she found the list of rules for interpreters for exams. The invigilator was wrong. The first line is that 'interpreters can interpret the question into BSL' - well duh! Then it says you can only fingerspelltechnicalwords that they should know the meaning of - a carpenter needs to recognise the word 'bevel' or 'router' in a list of equipment. That makes perfect sense to me. But not to be allowed to interpret the question into BSL was clear bollox from someone who hadn't read the rules either.HR and my manager's manager arrived at the end of the day and off we went into a wee room to have a discussion. They brought me a contract. They answered all the questions. They listened to my concerns regarding induction (or lack of) and the exam incident. It was all very civil but...But, but, but....there's always a big fat but in there somewhere.....I left feeling utterly crap. I don't want to be doing this job. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate it. That's strong and I don't hate it. It's 'alright' at best. Huge amount of sitting around doing nothing, watching people make window frames. On days he cancels I should apparently be doing work that will help him when he is in. What 6-12 hours a week benefiting a client who isn't there? How exactly - I asked - work like what? Well, apparently that's up to me to figure out.No thanks.I hold my hands up in the sky. I fully and freely admit this is my own fault. I didn't want to do this, I took the job, I shouldn't have. I have only myself to blame and it was only fear of the Job Centre that made me do it.I left for Rwanda because I didn't want to be in a job that made me feel small and useless ever again. When I got back, I was lucky - I landed a short term contract with one of the best places I've ever worked. Huge boost to my self-confidence. I could have been the cleaner and I would have been happy to go in each day.This, on the other hand, is one in a long line of jobs where the phrase 'people management' means about as much as an Edward Lear poem to a moose. One department doesn't talk to another department, everyone's disgruntled about something or someone, job satisfaction sank like a lead balloon and really....I don't care. I don't want to join the e-mail system so I have another in-box to manage, I don't want to sip watery coffee in the canteen for six hours a day wondering if my client will turn up tomorrow; I don't want to listen to other people not wanting it either. Most of all, I don't want to deal with HR who make me feel that it's my fault for not understanding the system that doesn't exist.What I'm trying to say, is that I don't want it.What I do want, is a way of paying my National Insurance so that I don't have to sign on.So, Ihaveto sign the contract to get paid for the days I've worked. I am signing a letter of resignation for my own sanity.The only question is whether I work the compulsory two-weeks notice I'm required to give the moment I sign the contract, or whether I'm nice to them and go an extra two weeks to the Spring break. For my client I should go the extra distance. But for my personal well-being? A month feels like a lifetime........ It's now actually Saturday. I went for a drink with Merrick and we bashed out some ideas. I was on a high having made the decision to leave and set up my own business. This morning I'm a bit scared. Loads of people want to work for themselves. It's whether the work will work for me.Yesterday I was all ready to throw in the towl in two weeks. Today I'm still undecided but the pendulum is swinging further towards 'doing the right thing' and seeing out the term. I don't have to decide until Monday but I'll probably do that. At least then I leave with my reputation for reliability intact and I can hold my head up and say 'well, I gave it a go'. It also gives me longer to write my business plan, which is step one.I'm not going into business doing anything related to sign language. Although, until I get my first contract I was thinking about doing BSL taster sessions and one-on-one tuition for Level Two students. I thought perhaps I could give my old employer a cut of taster session income in return for using their glossy printer now and then.The main aim of my business will be strategic planning and analysis for small-scale NGOs. Basically business planning for charities. This includes things like developing three-to-five year strategic plans, funding strategies, marketing strategies, change management, training, monitoring and evaluation assessments, efficiency analysis - that kind of thing. It's combining people-person skills with number crunching and statistical analysis.I think my CV is strong enough to back me up. I have an MA in Language and Communication Research. Communications are a big issue for all NGOs and businesses, plus it includes quantitative and qualitative research methods. I've worked as a Strategic Planing Consultants twice, once in Rwanda and once in the UK - both voluntary but it's the job that counts. I've also been a (paid) Statutory& Trust Funding Officer, Researcher and Project Manager. I've got enough experience and a sharp enough mind to fill in the gaps.I'm feeling pretty positive about this. It's just taking that final step forward. Seeing out the college term gives me a month to write my plan and get opinions on it. It will also be long enough to see if anything comes of that West Country job mentioned in my last post. That would be between a 3-6 month contract doing exactly what I'm setting up in business to do, for a high profile client. It would be an excellent boost to a fledgeling consultancy career.Either way, whether I get that job or not, I won't be signing for my living. It's a two-way thing. I always end up in those jobs because they're always on offer and I always take them. If I don't want to take them, I need to think of something else to do. And this is it. I'd love to be my own boss, I get on well with myself most of the time, I think I can work with me :)It's one of those things I've always thought about but never felt quite adult enough to try. I'm 30 next year, I think that makes me an adult now - roughly. Why not give it a go. I've got adequate savings in the bank, I have extremely low overheads and the business itself isn't going to cost a lot to get going, though it does have the potential to be a good earner. The worst that can happen is that I don't get any business and I'll know that with minimal outlay so I really don't lose much.The biggest issue is going to be whetherIput in the work to give it its best shot at success. I can be a bit hot and cold about things - like writing. Bash out 20,000 words, forget about it for three months. Do it again. Stop again. I'm aware of that. I can get bored easily, but I also get enthused easily.I think it'll be alright though, I'm aware of my working style and can manage it. I'm currently doing strategic planning on a voluntary basis for my old employer (meaning references and advice on improvement from people who care about me) and I'm really enjoying it. The work is varied - I like to use a number of systems and methods for extracting and analysing information so it's not doing the same thing all the time, you can jump around and work on different things until you have a whole. It's quite creative in a way. When I start talking about it I talk with enthusiasm - that's a really good sign.You never know unless you try. And as a friend once quoted fromGreg Trooperin her MA: 'if we try then we can never fail'. And I don't intend to fail.Here's to a new business venture; to the end of working under dodgy management and the start of showing them how to do it better. May it make everybody's lives that little bit better.