Part 2-Capacity Building, A Parent’s Perspective
on Micheal Rozenkrantz (India), 25/Jul/2010 07:04, 34 days ago
A lot of capacity building in others occurs while being a parent, and as I came to find out while in Patna, I’ve participated in building the capacity of my daughter Sarah to fully love another and make a long-term commitment.Sarah has always had the capacity to do things sooner rather than later. When I was going through divorce, although only 10, she immediately got into a support group at school. Sarah had no qualms about following her love for the arts and when my sister and her husband offered to let her live in California and attend a performing arts school, she didn’t hesitate to apply. In 10th grade Sarah left “home” and moved from Connecticut to follow her dreams. Instead of continuing to pursue her formal schooling, in 11th grade both she and my son Daniel travelled with my sister and her husband, visiting nine countries in Europe and spending sixmonths in India. In order to make a Harry Potter video game commercial, what would have been 12th grade, Sarah, found a school that was willing to give her a GED.At this time Sarah also had an apartment in Los Angeles and was pursuing love with Ricardo, a young Brazilian man that she had met through Daniel, while both Dan and Ricardo were living at the Hidden Valley Ashram in Escondido, California. Sarah and Ricardo built a relationship, lived in Berlin, Orange County, California and when Ricardo left the States for visa reasons and was not let back in, Sarah didn’t hesitate to move to Brazil. While in Brazil, from what I was told, Sarah, made a good life for herself, learning Portuguese, becoming involved in theatre and dance and making a CD of her music. Pretty amazing for someone who turned 21 in May, 2010.(My own capacity building, leading to a willingness to do things in a less rigid and convetional way, has only come later in life as I kept my eyes open and watched“my” children and sister and husband become world citizens. I peeled away my own “shell”, when I left Connecticut in 2006, which had been “my home” since 1988, to pursue my dream of being paid to be a Farmers’ Market Manager. Although this dream didn’t work out, it helped me to getto India).While in Patna, as I looked at my e-mails prior to boarding the train, I noticed another e-mail from Sarah as we were writing quite a bit, while she has been in Connecticut visiting her mother’s family.The title of this on-going mail was“Hey Pa”. As I read further, Sarah told me that she had gotten married in May. As I reread the mail, a bit shocked of course, since we had spoken on Skype a few weeks earlier and no mention of this was made, there was an explanation as to how it would be easier for Sarah and Ricardo if they were married and so this step was taken. (The next e-mail that I read was from my friend David who said, “Did I (David) know that Sarah was married?”. I responded saying that I had just only found out moments ago myself).As a parent, of course, I’m happy for Sarah and Ricardo, knowing full well that they would be married at some point. Although I probably haven’t always been the best example of how to make a relationship work, I feel good in knowing that Sarah and Ricardo have found, what I hope, is a deep well of love. I’m remindedof my favorite play, “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder, and how it, at least for me, truly describes the human condition. I’m reminded about the parents in the play and their conversations after the wedding of their children, how they know that the children are young and will have their own issues to deal with, but that they are their issues.I’m still trying to integrate the idea of being a “father-in-law”, although I’ve considered Ricardo part of the family for some time. In fact, he is the only family member that I’ve seen since being in India, as he was here when I first arrived in March, 2009. I wonder if I will ever meetRicardo’s parents as they live in Brazil and don’t speak English.The idea of a child being married is usually a process, involving the parents and the acceptance occurs in a natural kind of way. Even though I wasn’t part of any discussions or planning and didn’t know until after the marriage occurred, I’m working on just accepting this.Most of all I’m thinking about how we can just share in everything with one another, and talk when momentous happenings are occurring in our lives. Honest relationships can only occur when there is trust, and also in knowing that others have something to teach us and that we have something to learn. My own hope is that we can continue to grow from our experiences and truly hear others in their opinions.As a postscript, I spoke with Sarah Sunday morning and she is very much the mature woman who I’ve come to know and respect. Her reasoning makes sense to me and she is pure love. (I can say the same about Dan who will be most likely entering the postulate next month to pursue his dreams). Sarah and Ricardo will now work on the legal issues of getting him into the US and with any luck they will both return as a married couple in the Spring or Summer or 2011.Capacity building supreme, resulting in a very proud father of two, now three extremely gifted young adults!