kware
on Fantastic Voyage (Nigeria), 06/Oct/2010 11:32, 34 days ago
So, I've just written a long and boring bit about Nigeria being 50. It seems only fair to write something more interesting, particularly for those of you who are searching for tit-bits of information with tangential connections to current news stories at parties this weekend.Here are some odd facts about Nigeria which interest me, but about which I'll never write a proper blog entry. And which are all based on being in a very small part of a very large country for a very short time (i.e. most of them are probably untrue).- everyone's favourite fact about Nigeria is that it's the world's second largest consumer of Guinness. If you're going to watch more than half a programme or news article about Nigeria, I bet it's mentioned. Play a drinking game with it. It's not quite Guinness as you know it, though. I think it's brewed in Lagos under licence or something, but it tastes quite different - something oddly sweetly-sour and almost fragrant which isn't quite unpleasant enough to stop me drinking it as a reminder of lovely, lovely British drinks.- more importantly, mixing drinks with one another is a fine art in Nigeria and I hope I never see quite so many different things being put into Guinness. Coke and Guinness is repulsive wherever you are, but there's no excuse whatsoever for palm wine (a really brilliant drink) and Guinness, half and half. Vile.- Nigerian beds, and pillows, are as hard as Moses' tablets of stone. Admittedly, some hotel beds are softer - but that's either because it's a very expensive hotel catering to international taste, or a very cheap hotel with beds as old as independence. I'm the clumsiest person in West Africa, but I can sit a cup of tea on my bed and dance around it to some '80s hits with no concerns at all.- Nigerians - almost all Nigerians, not just regular people with bad educations - don't seem to have a sense of maps at all, or indeed of any pictorial representation of anything. They just don't register. This feels somehow important, but I don't understand enough about brains and perceptions and anthropology to be able to say anything other than noting it with surprise.- shop bought bread here is always, always sweet. Like, really sweet. More like a pudding than brioche.- it may say bad things about me, but I find out-y belly buttons utterly repugnant. There's a small amount of bile in my throat just thinking about them now. Sorry if you've got one - it's not your fault - but it makes you fundamentally wrong. And so, so many children here have enormous ones - like, inch long projections that waggle as if they're aliens seeking to erupt.That'll do for now.